What are the chances . . .

. . . I wonder, that one of my sons would be enthusiastic enough about a man like Donald Trump to actually cast his vote for him? It would be easy, I think, to look back at the many conversations we have had about the world, the people living in the world, about stereotypes, about love, grief, hunger, acceptance. . . you name it . . . it would be easy to look at all of them and say "i'm confident my sons would not cast such a vote. But how can I be sure? The fact that 40% of the voting population in the US is ready and willing to cast their vote for a man who is quite obviously mentally ill does not mean that all of those 40% are mentally ill as well. Adolf Hitler was clearly mentally ill. But that was not the problem. The problem is that he, a greatly delusional man with a grandiosity and inferiority complex and a virtually absent lack of empathy could capture the imagination of so many Germans. Hitler, it turns out, was the drug Germans needed when he appeared on the scene. Mr. Trump apparently is the drug Americans need today.

So what should I tell my sons about their home-country where a man is attempting to rise to power who, in many ways, resembles Adolf Hitler?

What are the potent ingredients of this drug? "Potent" actually is the right word as it is a derivative of the Latin word for "power"--potentia. Mr. Trump promises power to US citizens, greatness even. He underscores this with rhetorical strategies and examples of brazenness from his own life--some delivered intentionally (like his comments about his daughter's body) some delivered unintentionally (like the recently aired video tapes of his conversation with Billy Bush). Other examples about financial coups, tax evasion, etc. all speak of the same: When I want something I get it, no matter what the cost for others. Don't we all want to be strong like that? Listen carefully inside before you say "no."

So what should I say to my sons about their home-country where everyone is a drug-addict of sorts? 

It is quite unfortunate that US citizens tend to get caught up in questions about character, often related to revelations of a sexual nature. Whether it was Clarence Thomas' issue with someone's "pubic hair" or Bill Clinton's affairs or, now, Mr. Trump's repeated statements about women--we are "disgusted" or "enticed." What we never seem to be able to do is move away from either disgust or voyeuristic enticement and see that these examples (and so many others) are always about power. In them we hear the words "I can . . . because I'm in power". This, of course, echoes in quite uncanny ways, Mr. Obama's slogan from his initial run for office "Yes, we can!" It is so very hard not to be carried away by the trance of power once we believe we have it.

So what should I say to my sons about their home-country where everyone is claiming to be powerful and nobody is willing to admit they're weak?

And speaking of sex and things sexual: It is unfortunate how riddled this country is with guilt and shame about sex, and how, at the same time, it is bursting its seams with sexual-erotic energy. How will we ever not end up paralyzed between these so diametrically opposed ways of looking at sex. And, to be sure, both sides live in all of us.

So what should I say to my sons about their home-country where being a sexual person can never be said without also feeling and expressing shame and guilt; a country where the mentioning of a pubic hair or the sexual satisfaction that stems from a vasectomy (Kenneth Bone) would make it very unlikely a person could ever be considered for political office? What should I say to them?

But what would it be like to move away from these statements, prurient revelations about our politicians' sex-lives and to focus strictly on politics. What would (have) happen(ed), I wonder, if Mrs. Clinton simply said let's forget about all the offensive things Mr. Trump has said (and will be saying) and focus instead on politics, real politics. Let's debate questions like "What should we do about global warming, how should we address the racial crisis in our country, how should we deal with the growing hunger-crisis in the US and the world, what role should we play in the crises of other nations, how about moving away from fossil-fuels, etc.?" We are surrounded by complex and difficult issues. There is so much to discuss, to lay out and understand every candidate's position. But unfortunately, we don't do it. Worse even, if Mrs. Clinton said something to dismiss Mr. Trump's comments, she would likely lose many of her female supporters. To whom is not clear, but she would lose them.

So what should I say to my sons about their home-country in which a disciplined and substantive discussion of political issues is virtually impossible and where their fellow-citizens continue to make "character and sex" the central topic of every debate?

I intentionally choose to say "Americans" rather than continue with "40% of Americans." It is unhelpful, I believe, for someone like myself (who in his first federal election since becoming a US citizen will not vote for Mr. Trump) to make this into and 'I-and-you' or 'Us-and-Them' issue. Thankfully, with Bernie Sanders, we were able to witness a second mass-appeal phenomenon appear on the political stage. Mr. Sanders, not unlike Mr. Trump, also gave voice to the largely unheard or marginalized voices of so many US citizens. Taken together the Trump and Sanders camps make up a rather large part of the US voting population. The difference between Mr. Trump and Mr. Sanders is obvious--aside from their political differences--Mr. Sanders, unlike Mr. Trump, is not hungry for power. Mr. Sanders is not mentally ill.

It is easy to be angry at Mr. Trump. Such anger fuels his impulsive, often crude and aggressive remarks. What Mr. Trump needs is our compassion. It's a compassion that recognizes that all of us want power, want to be able to respond as quickly (and unthinkingly) to challenges as he does. It's a compassion with someone who has a pathological need to be seen and heard because we all share in this need. It's a a compassion for a man who can only think of one way to appeal to women, through coercion and demonstrations of power (through money and big words with no content). Because all straight men fear not being seen by a beautiful woman and think of quick ways to get their attention. It's compassion for a man whose fear of strangers is so great he can only think of building a wall to keep them out. Being afraid of people whose culture and language we don't know is residually present in all of us, no matter how enlightened we are. It's compassion for a man whose greed is familiar to all of us.

So, in a way, what I want to say to my sons is that Donald Trump is a person like all persons, a man like all men. Mr. Trump is like us. Except he is ill. And it is his illness that makes him lose all filters, all modesty, all respect for those who disagree with him. And without those filters he becomes dangerous, predatory even. I would direct my sons to this web-page, part of the Mayo-Clinic web-site:

www.mayoclinic.org/.../narcissistic-personality-disorder/.../con-20025568

I would encourage my sons to be open about both their rejection and attraction to Mr. Trump. Only such openness and honesty can bring about the healing criticism that will keep us on a path away from the kind of disaster Germany experienced in the first half of the 20th century.

I would explain to my sons that narcissism is a healthy and normal aspect of a person's ego-structure. But it can get out of hand. It has for Mr. Trump.

I would remind my sons that Mr. Trump, like all of us, once was a baby, a newborn. What, I would ask them, might have turned this baby into a man who can no longer truly love? When did it happen? When he was a toddler, a boy, pre-teen . . .?

And for those of you who wonder why I chose to write about politics in this blog, a blog that is devoted to fathering and raising children, I want to say to you that I thought about it for a long time. But the evidence that even pre-school and K/1 children are already affected by what's going on in this country comes to my home every day. We cannot turn that around. We do have to figure and discuss the way(s) in which we want to address these things with our children. No matter what their age is.